I wanted it to change. I wanted it to be different. And I had thought I made a success. But now I see only failures as if the quote was supposed to be in opposite. It seems like failing to change was a success. But I got no chance of correcting it now. Not correcting it actually, reversing it.
We'll see. I might get the courage to stand up again soon, and hope really soon.
P.S. My physicist was right. I make my self stressed, even self consciously and have really hard time getting over it and usually I actually don't get over. God, I wish I was different.